Short story: The Rebel, original by @janaveda
The Rebel
It was a pandemonium, most people had long since left the city, the few that were left, we were clinging to the memories of the lifestyle we had before the coalition decided to take control of the city.
Only a group of us, we were opposed to losing our independence, we were telling ourselves: who are they to come to impose their rules! We have heard from the Coalition, nothing encouraging of what it means, to be under its regime. We will never give up.
Keith, as always, took a blue bag somewhat worn with the use, opened the door of his apartment, overwhelmed him to a great extent, not knowing, what they would eat today. In the markets, food was scarce and prices were less and less accessible.
"Susan, I'll be back in a little while," Keith said softly, but audibly enough as he closed the heavy door.
The building was light gray, well maintained despite the constant incursions of coalition soldiers. The concierge was careful to clean the stains left by the boots of those stocky men. On three occasions, Susan was subjected to interrogation, the subject was recurring: Who was the leader of the rebels and where was he?
Keith would have to hurry, if he wanted to buy his only food for that day, it was already getting dark and he would soon hear the alarm indicating the start of the curfew.
In the spacious apartment, Susan was absorbed in her thoughts, repeatedly humming the words without apparent senses, her big green eyes had an inexpressive, but fixed gaze, which gave the impression of piercing the white wall that was in front of her. In her hand, the cell phone was blinking, emitting a sound similar to the nightingale's song, one, two, three and four peals, - Ready, it's done. - she said to herself, and pressed the power off button.
Susan heard a few steps approaching the door of her apartment, her face showed signs of restlessness, the door opened slowly and a barely audible squeak of the hinges:
-Keith! it's you, what a relief! - Susan said, calming down.
-Boss, why are you nervous? - Keith replied.
-Today is the day, we are going to give the captain and his team their due. That will be just a warning to the Coalition. This way they will know, that we are not playing-.
Suddenly, the sky lit up and loud explosions were heard nearby, in this situation the beautiful woman shouted:
-Keith! Run to the meeting point and give notice to the others. What the hell is going on? Could someone betray us with those stupid soldiers? We will have to abort the mission.
Explosions were heard again, Susan looked out the windows and watched as the intense lights coming from above, scorched the walls of the adjoining buildings. He understood then, that he should leave immediately if he wanted to survive.
She ran as fast as she could until she reached Keith, when she heard:
-Susan-, Keith shouted, with his eyes wide, then saying:
-Look over the buildings !, they are spaceships, I've never seen anything like it. Chief, what are we going to do now?
"Run for your life," Susan replied.
To be continue...
Original short story by @janaveda
Pixabay free images
Very nice! I'll wait for more 😉😉
Posted using Partiko Android
Thanks @iamraincrystal.
An intriguing beginning. You're a good storyteller.
NOTES: Your writing is not bad, but needs an editor. You are prone to run-on sentences throughout the copy. For example, the first paragraph would likely be edited thusly:
Thank you very much for your pertinent comments, and I understand you liked the story, if so, I will have achieved my goal.
You are right, and in that sense, I agree with you, I need an editor or let some time pass before publishing the final version of the stories. For example, the Rebel, I wrote it this morning based on one of my previous post, entitled: The Captain. It is not a continuation, but a situation that runs parallel to the same event and obviously linked.
I am starting a new facet in my life as a storyteller, and criticisms like yours are greatly valued. The best parts of my learning, I have achieved in a self-taught way, analyzing, and applying how well others do. So, I will take your recommendations very seriously, I will read your writings regularly to learn through your works.
Thanks.
Good luck and keep writing.
Good observation and advice
Thank you
I like how you write. I love the beginnings of your stories. It is truly a pleasure to read you. Regards @janaveda