Vietnam Part 2: Harrison Ford & The 200 Grand Baguette

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Vietnam Part 2: Harrison Ford & The 200 Grand Baguette

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Car chases and chasing cars…

In my last post - Mr Saigon: Good Evening, Vietnam - I spoke about the great opening and high hopes I had for this country. However, the further north I went, the further 'south' my experiences went. Why? Let's find out!

Nha Trang

Nha Trang was my first stop after Ho Chi Minh City.

Got the sleeper bus which are a little different to the buses in Thailand. They actually have ‘beds’, rather seats that do recline right back and spaced so they don’t infringe on the person in front/behind.

Although a little small for a full-sized human they are individual so no-one right next to you. There is an upper level ‘bunk’ and below. A row each side by the window and 1 in the middle. These things do the job although it is a little like a moving hostel dorm.

Nha Trang is by the sea. It was great to be by a beach. It reminded me that I do like to be beside the seaside. It was a pleasant enough town, if not hugely overwhelming.

First thing I noticed was people exercising down by the beach. There is quite a culture of exercise in Asia but it’s a little different in that it’s not so much of the hard-core stuff but more of the seemingly serene activity.

Not explosive running, or weight training etc but a focus on the internal good health. Concentration on the organs, chi etc.

You see a lot of ‘older’ people out swinging their arms back and forth whilst standing stationary. First I thought this was just a brief warm-up to get the blood flowing round their arms and body but it seems to go on for quite some time.

I’m not sure what this is or what it does but the arm swing manoeuvre seemed particularly popular here.

Hoi An

Source

Up the coast to Hoi An. Not too much going on here other than the place to buy suits. I didn’t buy a suit.

I was on the back of a motorbike between the bus and the hostel (which wasn’t 2 kilometres away) when I was pitched by a girl on the back of another motorbike. Jeez, let me get in the friggin’ door then we can talk turkey.

Her: “Where are you from”

Me: “England”

Her: “lovely jubbly”

(I can only assume this is a reference to the British comedy show in the 90s/00s, Only Fools And Horses but I’ve had a few people say that now.)

She then went on to tell me about her sister’s tailor shop. Maybe later.

Every time I went out in this place I had people come up to me and give me the same old tired pitch. Mix it up a little… might improve the success rate.

The more this happened the more lacklustre my standard responses were. I even started making things up for my own entertainment, so I wouldn’t collapse in a tired heap having given up due to the lack of invention on display.

Each time as I walked along I got a little bit more irked until finally I turned to one who just approached me and pre-empting the same boring questions said,

“Right, I’m gonna stop you there me old bean. I’m from England, I’ve been in Hoi An since yesterday, I’ll be leaving tomorrow and I don’t want a suit. But anyway, how can I help you me ol' fruit?"

Other than wondering what the hell I was on about beans and fruits he was somewhat blindsided by me ripping his whole little routine right out from under him. The interaction fizzled out nicely and off I trotted.

It was quite pleasant at night. Not overly happening but cool. There were no street lights, just lanterns and people walking around with candles by the river.

Quite a romantic feel… probably good if you are there with someone. Not necessarily great for raging singletons. It was a little wet that evening which put a ‘dampener’ on things although I think that added to its charm too.

Hue

“You want motorbike?”

Rarely has this ubiquitous phrase been so prevalent.

These are the people offering their motorbike as a taxi. Cambodia and Vietnam are full of them. Also those weird things that’s like an upright bicycle that the ‘driver’ rides and you sit on a seat in front. No idea what they’re called. They’re always touting for business too.

Hue was ok but nothing special. Certainly worth missing, it’s just a case of being a stop off point on the way up or down the country. There wasn’t really much to it as far as I could see but it serves a purpose.

One purpose that I didn’t want it to serve was to provide we with sickness. I think I must have had some dodgy chicken and I felt the effects a bit the next day. It wasn’t majorly bad but it was bad enough especially as I was checking out that day and had the prospect of a 13 hour overnight bus that night.

Nice.

Hanoi


Source

Not my finest hour.

I arrived in Hanoi following the sleeper bus. We were greeted by the crowds of hawks pushing and shoving to get your business as you step off the bus. I took the services of one of them to drive me to the hostel. I asked how much, he said it was on the metre.

Ok I thought. It’s better to be on the metre in Thailand. Not so much in Vietnam it would seem.

Suffice to say I was grossly overcharged. Ripped off if you will. I was watching this thing tick over hoping that I was reading it wrong. When I brought up the subject with the driver he was vague and changed the subject.

When we stopped and he told me the price, I told him that’s preposterous. He didn’t know what that meant so I explained. I said it was far too high.

As we were debating a passing policeman gestured to the driver something. I thought maybe I could bring him into it and straighten this situation out, although I’m not sure if that would have worked.

The policeman was actually telling the driver that he can’t park there. At which point the driver got back in, clearly riled and proceeded to speed off at a great rate of knots. He flew into a rage started driving like a lunatic down the street into oncoming traffic, beeping, occasionally saying something like “fucking hate police”.

Ok, this is getting a little weird now.

It’s been a while since I passed my test but I believe this isn’t what you would term defensive driving, veering somewhat from the Highway Code shall we say. It was more like a suicide mission… which is fine, by all means knock yourself out (literally) although I’d prefer it if I wasn’t forcibly taken along for the ride.

I was ridiculously calm in the back thinking ‘lets just go with it, sure it’ll be fine’. I thought that perhaps this could be a good time to put on my seatbelt. I didn’t want to say too much, obvious, trite things like “can you slow down please”. I didn’t really want to anger him further as I think he blamed me in part for not getting out the taxi quick enough.

I was deliberating jumping out the car like in some sort of action movie. This move wasn’t practical as I would have jumped into a road with all manner of vehicles piled on me within a split second. It would have also been tricky to pick up my backpack and rucksack en route in one fell swoop.

Eventually, I simply said –

“Should I just jump out here?”

I just nodded along with his ramblings, agreeing with him, saying things like “yeah, bloody police”.

He had his hissy fit and dropped me off close enough to the hostel in the end. I payed him what he wanted (money is easy come, easy go, not worth any real hassle. Best to cut your losses and get away from these nuts) but I wanted him to know that it was too much and I knew it. I told him that it was a good 3 times what it should be.

I said he should get his metre fixed. Funnily enough, I think he already had.

He attested – “it’s very far”, clearly forgetting I had been there the whole time since the start of the journey. It was 10 minutes.

Beware taxi scams in Hanoi!

In this scenario try and agree a price before, at least you know what you’re dealing with before you get in the car. It may be there are more reputable companies than others.


I enter the hostel to find a guy asleep on a fold out bed (read: piece of metal) on the floor beside the reception desk. A Vietnamese woman who must have worked there – possibly his mother – had to wake him up to tend to me.

I was faced with this sleepy little man checking me in. He asked me to have a seat and he’d just be a few minutes. He duly fell asleep on the desk so I had to go and prod him in the head.

Also, it became apparent that this hostel was not quite as represented in the pictures on booking.com. No happy, pretty, Vietnamese woman on the phone… it also lacked the plush decor displayed.


Source

At that moment I thought of Michael Douglas in the film Falling Down when he receives a burger which is in no way as good as the one on the menu. He proceeded to have a shooting spree, my response was a little more low key.

The 200 Grand Baguette

So I ventured out for a stroll. What an episode. I’m thinking Hanoi is perhaps my least favourite place on earth for taking a relaxing stroll. There is no relaxation involved, just a nice amount of stress. I was a little peckish so I stopped to get a baguette from a street vendor. Saw some pork sitting there, could be tasty.

Still reeling from rip-off Travis* I was hoping that was just a bad start and he didn’t symbolise the overall ethos of the city’s people.

She pointed at 2 small skewers of pork and held up a baguette, as if to say this is what you get. In her other hand, she pointed to 2 100,000 dong notes as if to say, this is the cost. Excuse me?! Hmmm… a blatant rip-off without even being in the ballpark of what it should cost. I would have gladly met her in the middle but I decided to stay hungry for now.

To put this in some sort of context, I have paid 15,000 for similar. I would have gone as far as 50,000… this would have been too much but she could have got away with it. I think 20,000 would have been a fair price.

To further contextualise; 200,000 dong is around £6.70/$10. I wouldn’t pay that back home, certainly not here. I was mesmerised at the sheer cheek. Oh, Hanoi, you’re not endearing yourself to me.

If I wasn’t impressed so far, things went a little downhill… at least temporarily.

For Everything Else There’s Mastercard?

First off I went to a cash machine and it went through the whole process yet I didn’t receive any money. Alarm bells. Has it taken the money out of my account? I checked my account online and it hadn’t. Then I had the thought that maybe Natwest had put a stop on it again due to ‘irregular’ activity. They did so whilst in Chiang Mai… so a simple phone call straightens it out. But they should know I’m traveling by now.

And a quick phone call is not so straightforward when you’re traveling… finding a phone, paying for a call which is mainly going through the automation service. Not cool.

Tried another cash machine… Yahtzee! Bingo! 2 million dong in my hand and all well again.

I proceeded to some overpriced café (I wanted something a little more western at this stage. For some reason they had the prices in $USD, what is this?) and ordered a chicken sandwich. It was only as I was drinking some apple juice swilling it around my mouth pretending it was cider that I had a sinking feeling.

As I frantically checked my pockets, sure enough, no card. I must have left it in the machine.

For some reason I still waited for the sandwich, ate that post haste and started running back to the cash machine. The bank had closed. It wasn’t in the machine (why would it be one hour later?). As I went to another branch they told me to come back the next day.

I have a feeling they thought that the machine had swallowed the card which would have been preferable. I was a little more anxious as someone may have the card, or they may have handed it in (thus restoring my faith in shark-fest Hanoi).

I then had a test of nerve. Do I cancel the card? That is an episode in itself as I have to call the bank and maybe I would have to call them again the next day to re-activate it if it was found. I took a risk and didn’t bother but checked my account online a few times to see if anything had been taken out.

As I walked away from the bank I had all sorts going through my mind, not only can I not access my money, it’s going to be cleared of all my hear-earned.

Problem.

Nothing was taken from my account (no-one would be able to get cash without the pin number and any sizeable purchases go through a Natwest password security screen before the sale completes). So off I hopped to the bank in the morning hoping for a better day (by this stage I was thinking just get this damn card and get out of this hell hole).

They opened up the machine (eventually) and there was no card there. I pointed out that it was the day before and they told be to go over to their other branch again.

As ever with these situations the end of the episode is so clean cut compared to what precedes. After all this running around and uncertainty, essentially running around like Harrison Ford in many of his movies where he’s obsessively running up to everyone saying “Where’s my wife?! Give me my family back!”


Source

Likewise I was barking at anyone who’d listen, “Where’s my card?! Give me my card back!”

Anyway, I walk into this bank and the woman ushered me over to her section and casually said “here you go”. Like it was no big deal… blissfully unaware of my plight. She had 2 cards in her hand. One dirty, silver piece of crap (some other poor sod having their own episode probably lost) and one shiny blue, Natwest Visa… unmistakable!

I have no idea whether the machine had swallowed it, or the machine swallowed it after it had been left in the slot, or someone handed it in. It matters not really.

How could I have been so silly? Well, the machine giving me money was a high as I wasn’t sure if the bank had halted the account. Also, the machine did things in a different order than the others, ie. cash first, then card. Thirdly no beep from the machine to say “wait idiot, your card!”.

Lastly, I took a receipt from the machine, something I never usually do, perhaps psychologically I had taken away 2 items from the transaction. Not to mention, I was a little jaded from the last 24 hours.

Either way, it happened.

Suffice to say, I now go through an OCD checklist before walking away from an ATM.

I walked out of the bank with a new lease of life. Anything was possible again. I turned to my card, in full view of the security guards and said “you gave me quite a scare. Lets never split up again”.

It goes to show the sort of shit you may have to encounter when traveling. You should always be prepared and minimise these type of things and have back up and contingencies in place. It also shows that what may feel like the worst thing ever at one stage can turn around to be all plain sailing again.

Talking of plain sailing, Thailand was (and is) smooth as silk. Easy life. Cambodia and Vietnam are that little bit more of a pain in the ass.

The People

I had heard that the people in Hanoi were less friendly then that of Ho Chi Minh City or maybe the rest of Vietnam. I would have to say that I agree (from my limited experience). As a collective they seem to have a bit of a screw loose.

I didn’t get the most out of Hanoi, so other people I’m sure would have better experiences to report, and definitely worth a visit. With being sick on arriving, to being ripped off, to losing my card… my energy levels weren’t at a premium. Consequently, as soon as I got my card back I booked a flight to Krabi, in the south of Thailand.

A piece of advice would be to stay at a decent, social hostel so you can get more out of the place. It’s not the kind of place to wander around on you own as it’s a little limited and awkward. You need to attack it as a group.

I didn’t do so simply because I got a place with a private room for the same price as a dorm there… and I wanted a private room so I could chill and get over the bug I picked up in Hue, so I wasn’t looking for a party. Next time (if there is one) I would take the other route.

The only reason I’d go back to this place (other than if I was with someone who wanted to go) is to go to Halong Bay. I never made it there due to my haste to leave and from what I’ve heard it’s probably the nicest place in Vietnam. I’m also quite happy to miss it as it then remains as a great image in my mind rather than going there whilst I wasn’t feeling it and it ending up a disappointment as a result.

Hanoi vs Ho Chi Minh City

You could probably guess that I prefer HCMC over Hanoi. They are both mad and they are both full of motorbikes beeping and driving through you. The difference is that HCMC is more of a bigger, sprawling, western city. It could get a bit much for sure but it is quite exciting, like a Bangkok or New York, say.

Hanoi could get too much in a far more annoying way. It’s a bit more itty-bitty, more ‘Asian’ so a little more authentic if that’s what you would like.

So, go to Hanoi and do it the way I suggested, but be careful. You should be fine as you will have the support network of being with people from your hostel and/or the people you're travelling with.

I’m not usually one to put the frighteners on people but Hanoi is the scammiest place I’ve seen and you will be a target. It doesn’t really affect me as I’m quite hard-nosed with these kind of folk (exception of the taxi driver as I’d already had the ride so a little more tricky).

HCMC has a great little backpacker area and I’m guessing that you could also live there for a bit (away from the backpacker area as that gets tiresome after a couple of days, just like the Khao San Road in Bangkok). It’s a better mix of Western and Eastern and you can live the lifestyle you like. You can choose and be in control of how you want to play it, rather than being an effect.

Vietnam in General

Mixed feelings. Seemed to get worse as I went further north. Still a great country but the things I liked initially wore a little thin. And the things I disliked became more consuming.

The food is still great but it’s a little samey (Thai food is better overall I think).

Coffee is good but although it has a nice kick it can be a little bitter and I’m not quite as keen as I was.

Beer is good and cheap but so it is in Thailand, Cambodia or anywhere else. In fact beer is cheaper than soft drinks in Vietnam so I found I drank more beer than fruit shakes (which I like to have in Thailand).

Life is just so much easier in Thailand; friendlier people, infrastructure, weather, lifestyle, food, vibe, it’s just such a good all-rounder. Vietnam would be number 2 out of the 3. Cambodia being third.

Thailand gives me energy, the other 2 suck it from me. Thailand makes me smile, the other 2 make me grimace. You know what feels right and that may differ from person to person.

If you’re limited on time, Thailand is all you really want or need and it saves you time, energy and money. However, I would always suggest to suss things out for yourself as everyone’s experience is different… as would each occasion be.

Of course there are other places in the region that I haven’t been to and worth a look, ie. Laos, Malaysia, Myanmar (Burma).

Next up, on to southern Thailand and wrapping it up with a re-visit to Krabi!

~ Adam

* Featured image. Pics my own or otherwise linked to source. And Travis Bickle was the name of Robert De Niro’s character in the 70s movie Taxi Driver!

***

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Oh no!! Your debit card!!! I left mine in the ATM machine in Bangkok last month as well, never got it back, bit of a dumb system where they give you the cash first unlike UK where you get the card back first..

I actually preferred Hanoi to HCMC, I stayed in the old part of Hanoi in a really nice small hotel. I found the city really quaint, the food was great had a great massage, and maybe lucky I never came across any scam. HCMC was far too 'city' for me. Hopefully you'll have a better experience if you ever do go back one day.

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For sure, I expect it'll be much better next time!

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