Uncertainty Of Safety - Trauma’s Own Worst Enemy

“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.”
― Laurell K. Hamilton

Racing heart, sweaty palms, uncomfortable stomach butterflies, spiralling thoughts, brain is on high alert. Invisible triggers, or perhaps imagined ones - yet nothing can stop your nervous system from shaking you up. You ask him gently to tone it down, next thing you feel is him letting you know he ain’t about to leave town.

Why does my body always misleads me? Because of this inescapable fucker called uncertainty. He makes a living out of robbing you of your most precious ally - your sense of safety. He couldn’t care less that he brings out in you an overwhelming feeling of powerlessness.

You just want to forever lay under the loving embrace of safety. Any threat to your sense of safety makes you feel like crawling under the sheets. Maybe going back to that fetal position brings you back to a place where you didn’t have to constantly worry about your own safety.

But real life is as uncertain as it is, and as much as you desperately want to, there’s no way for you to forever save your spot on the safety wagon. Your body will feel danger where there's none, just like your mind will falsely alarm you to freeze or to run. Deep down you wish you could avoid giving into the signals hinted at you by your body, as life has once showed you first hand what happens when you pour too much trust into humanity.