They need to be had first and foremost with our children and our romantic partners.
For many of us, talking about our emotions feels uncomfortable, repulsive at worse - it’s something we would much rather avoid doing. Attachment injuries having been handed to us by our parents, we have been taught early on that the expression of emotions was not something welcomed in our home. Our young infant/children brain created this rock solid association that emotions are dangerous and we are better off pretending we don’t have any. The seed of emotional suppression has been planted into our brain.
Feel something, numb it. Feel something, avoid it. Feel something, suppress it. Unfortunately for us, our body keeps the score on our emotion shaming sheet. It can only keep up with our coping mechanisms for so long until he will signal to us that he’d had enough. Relational problems. Eating disorders. Substance disorders. These are all dysfunctions that can occur when we have been taught to disregard the ocean of emotions sitting in us.
It is imperative that we give our children a safe space for them to express their every feeling without fear of being judged, shamed or rejected. They need to feel secure in the knowledge that no matter what emotion they bring to us, we will be there for them.To become an exemplary role model, you first need to sit in the student chair. Our children learn through their primal teachers - us. If we teach them the importance of having vulnerable conversations, they ought to grow feeling comfortable with their emotional realities.This will translate itself into cultivating a healthier relationship to the self and to others - something our broken adult world desperately needs.