Comfort in the Silence

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A lively conversation slowly winds down to a complete silence. The last question is left hanging in the air as the people gathered withdraw inside their minds to ponder. There are no ymms or ahhhs, no prompts or couragements from whom ever last opened their mouth to ask a question. There is just silence.

I smile to myself as I start counting the seconds of silence.

1 2 3...

I look around the circle of people and study their manner to see if their level of comfort during the silence matches that of my own. I see no tell tale signs of distress, no fidgeting, no tapping of the pen against the table, no gazing of the clock, nobody is even on their phone. I conclude we are all equally comfortable in this shared silence and space.

4 5 6...

I bask in the silence, marvel its power, I go inside it. Silence is not to be underestimated, it can be just a big as the words said before and after it. I’m observing this particular silence, the ease and flow of it, the lightness of it.

7 8 9...

Who is going to break the silence? Is someone getting uncomfortable and having to say something to fill the pause, even when it’s of no substance? Will someone have an interesting answer or suggestion relating to the question left in the air?

10...

”I think...” Someone breaks the silence, carefully starting the conversation back up again. There is no nervousness or sighs of relief, none felt like the silence was something to run and hide from.


The ability to be comfortable during the pauses in conversation is my favourite part of Finnish culture. If you don’t have anything meaninful to say, it’s far better to be silent than to talk nonsense and ask questions you don’t care to know the answers to.

Silence is the default setting, it’s our baseline. We’ll talk to you when we actually have something to say.



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4 comments
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If you don’t have anything meaningful to say, it’s far better to be silent.

When I was quite young ... I remember my dad telling me this.

Since then, I've always heeded these words.

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I don't always remember this myself but it's really good advice!

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Being someone who doesn't do well in conversations, myself, I like to adopt the thinking of, "If you have nothing good to say, don't say anything at all". I bring this mindset to control the nonsense I read on social media, too 😅

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