I walked outside after speaking at a mental health webinar. Here’s the story.

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(Edited)

Hi, Hive friends, and welcome back to my blog! This Wednesday's walk became more meaningful than I expected.

When I heard my stomach grumble after an hour of conducting a webinar, I told myself, “Yep, I’m going out.”

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What greeted me was the golden hour. It was breathtaking! Luckily, the café I picked had the best spot to witness the sunlight caressing the church, trees, the walking path, and concrete buildings.

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The bits and pieces of the webinar came flooding back. I remembered my showcase of vulnerability – my words settling like a fallen leaf on a peaceful lake, creating crescendos of movement, waking up the sleeping waters.

Ako Muna: Self-Love and Relationships
The webinar was entitled "Me First: Self-Love and Relationships" in English. I aim to 1) explain our need to be with others, 2) discuss trends in self-love and relationships and 3) encourage the participants to focus on being loving than having love.

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(edited in canva.com)

The participants were the college students of De La Salle Lipa, and the school’s Guidance Office organized it.

Here’s a quick glimpse at our discussion yesterday:

John Bradshaw (1999) wrote: “Of all purely human needs the need to love is … the most basic.… It is the humanizing need; beyond all others it makes us human.”

If it’s a basic human need, why is it hard to love and be loved?

One of the theories I discussed emphasized the way Filipinos love. Our history reflects how we used to thrive in indigenous communities and our expression of love is through connectedness, which is key to society’s survival.

As the Philippines evolved, when we speak of love, it usually means sacrifice and service, which can be explained after years of fighting for our freedom. “Ang mamatay ng dahil sayo,” (“to die for you”) like our national anthem said.

In our everyday lives, this translates to giving up the “ako” para sa “tayo” = “me” for “us” (i.e. Jeepney strike, labor unions in France, Mahsa Amini protests).

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(My work set-up~)

We were taught to accommodate other people’s feelings over our own by embodying these Filipino values: pagiging mahiyain, pakikiramdam, pakikisama, at pakikiisa (being shy, feeling others, joining others, being one with others).

It comes from our cultural empathy, which shows our intuitive care for others.

However, we see an imbalance of love for others and the self in modern society. An overemphasis on positivity = toxic and unhelpful. Ibigay na natin ang lahat-lahat para lang sa ikakasaya ng iba. Our toxic Filipino narrative implies loving is losing yourself – to your parents, grandparents, siblings, classmates, partners, boyfriends, or girlfriends. This is the only way to show that you love them.

When in fact, to be loving is many things.

Post-webinar thoughts
Before DLSL’s invitation, it had been two months since I focused solely on resting and healing. And I didn’t want to admit it at first, but this webinar was a big deal for me. It was like a test of how much I learned about loving myself. On top of that, I will talk about it with other people, hoping to teach them a thing or two.

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(Me just practicing the flow)

I couldn’t believe this opportunity came when I needed it the most. I stared back at the trees basking in the golden hour. I took a sip of my iced latte. I sighed in relief.

Do you know why? When you take on the task of healing, it doesn’t always feel rewarding. It won’t give you cookies for every negative thought you learned to accept and let go of. It won’t give you a prize for every breakdown you overcome.

But it will surprise you: There’s peace in your chest where storms used to crash.

Meanwhile, here are the comments from the DLSL Guidance Office team after the webinar:

  • it felt very light, like I’m just there talking with them
  • very powerful voice
  • very intelligent
  • like talking to a friend
  • beautifully spoken, refreshing, new and inspiring

Work with me
Want to see The Wounded Healer in action? You may invite me as your resource speaker on mental health topics like self-love, well-being, and mental health issues. You may email me at [email protected] or message me on my Facebook page.

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Join the healing community
I just love helping people talk about their emotions without any judgment. Building a safe space, even if it’s just a padlet, a small corner in the Internet for wounded souls.

If you want to participate in our “check-ins,” you can anonymously send your entries here.

Thank you for reading 💜

Then I walked back home with more gratitude and lightness in my heart. How was your Wednesday?
ᴬˡˡ ᵖʰᵒᵗᵒˢ ᵃʳᵉ ᵐⁱⁿᵉ ᵘⁿˡᵉˢˢ ˢᵗᵃᵗᵉᵈ ᵒᵗʰᵉʳʷⁱˢᵉ



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26 comments
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Wow ish, pa heal po 🥹 charot..

Really tho, I'm still struggling how to love myself.. But slowly I'm practicing

Also i can see you are a strong person for being so positive with it. Wish I'm like that.. Emotionally strong..

Can't wait to be in your talk tomorrow night...

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Baka maset yung standards too high para bukas ha HAHAHA

Also i can see you are a strong person for being so positive with it. Wish I'm like that.. Emotionally strong..

I didnt start strong and I'm still a work in progress, we all are 🤗 Hugs with consent!

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Being selfless has been one of our traits but it is dangerous I get that. We have double standards here wherein if you try to act selfish people will connotate you for being rude.

I had a fair share of experience back then as I prioritize stuff in a manner wherein I only do things that interest me and leave the rest that isn't piquing my interest. Relationships were broken because of that because I am not that one call-away person anymore but it was liberating! for me when I realized that I am not a that important person to them.

They can still function without me perfectly fine. So that is where I have drawn the line cutting some friends on Facebook, not reading messages that much (100+unread chats), and other stuff that can promote my peace.

If it is chismis.... haha maybe I might read.

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We have double standards here wherein if you try to act selfish people will connotate you for being rude.

I had my fair share of comments like this hahaha and it hurts, but they don't matter when I could see how happier I am. Kahit chismis minsan pili na rin hahaha

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This one's very timely! I remember your comment from my post last Feb about Love.
I, myself, as the eldest and a teacher, find it difficult to prioritize myself. It's not about wanting to 'have love', more about losing myself to 'give love'. That shouldn't be the case.

Can't wait to have the kamustahan with you, Ish!

!PIZZA

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napaka ganda naman ng mic mo so professional!

I have to agree that culturally we often place other people first (Family, Love ones and even friends) before ourselves and when we set boundaries or start saying no we are often seen as selfish so a lot of people would rather be a doormat and continue giving even if there is nothing else to give just so not to make these people mad.

It made me think of my sister who at a young age placed us first before herself. She could have gone to New York to study film with her scholarship but made a choice to stay because she could not leave us, her siblings, especially when our family life was in turmoil.

I asked her one time if she ever regretted that and she said she has never but I feel sad that she could have a different life if she did.

It's no surprise that so many of us are so wounded (no pun intended!) because of this toxic culture trait that we have.

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It's no surprise that so many of us are so wounded (no pun intended!) because of this toxic culture trait that we have.

Yep, that's what I always say sa talks haha. Wounded society = wounded people

Thanks for sharing about your sister, so many people resonate with her experience.

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Even when I am reading your post, I can hear your voice talking to me. 😆
They say you can't preach what you don't practice so good job ish!
True, to be loving is many things!
I've always prioritized others over myself but I learned to love myself too. It doesn't hurt to give time for yourself, and loving myself doesn't mean I love others less.

Anyways, good to read about this!
I hope you join #thoughtfuldailypost by @wesphilbin (hey wes! sorry for the tag! but look 😅).

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Thanks for joining the Wednesday, its always fun for me to visit the walks from all around the world, getting a feel for communities where people live and what they see on their daily walks

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@ishwoundedhealer...


Happy Friday! I am late in getting back to you, but wanted to stop by and tell you what a wonderful post this was! (Thanks to Edlon Ring Master @wittyzell! lol). The topic of mental health alone is often something many don't want to discuss... or even think about. Why I am not sure; there are many topics that could be considered perhaps... taboo? Honestly though... it should not matter what others are going through. If someone needs help, and we are in a position to help... shouldn't we? NOt only was this a very special #wednesdaywalk but certainly could be considered a #thoughtfuldailypost! I am in no way trying to solicit my community. But I would be honored to see positive and uplifting content, such as this. Whether in my community, or just the use of my TAG.

I am usually behind on curation... but I do try to look through and read every post. So then... thank you for sharing this motivational experience with us. A lesson that all of us could use... from your post:


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Such powerful words, my friend... I hope you have a wonderful weekend. Love and light...

!LUV

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Heyyy, omg thank you so much! I would surely look into #thoughtfuldailypost - there's still a lot of topics to talk about under mental health. I would gladly share my thoughts over there!

Have a wonderful day and thanks for connecting us @wittyzell 😊

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@ishwoundedhealer...


While I am thinking about it... You mentioned the following in this post:


Join the healing community
I just love helping people talk about their emotions without any judgment. Building a safe space, even if it’s just a padlet, a small corner in the Internet for wounded souls.


Have you considered creating a community on Hive?

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Uhmmmm hahahaha I feel like I'm still a newbie here, but I'd love to support established communities before diving into my own! Thanks for this though!

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@ishwoundedhealer...


You are most welcome! Of course... get your balance. I wasn't trying to force you into creating a community lol. Some often feel there are too many, to begin with. But I was mainly going off of the following in your post...


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It is a habit, to try and help others elevate their awesomesauce... Please keep sharing this positive energy with us. While I am thinking about it... I would like to share a few other communities with you; if you are already aware, or in them... I apologize!


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https://peakd.com/c/hive-125669/created

Focused on those "blocks" that make us who we are. Take a peek at the "about" section. It's not as active of a community, as it was when first created. But I felt it might fit into your energy.



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https://peakd.com/c/hive-140084/created

This is a relatively new community... created by @freecompliments, but one I think your vibe would fit into. Again... check out the "about" section! Hopefully, it's something you can engage with...


There are many other's out there. But just remember... if you ever need some help on your blockchain journey. There's a Discord Server that can help... I am rather partial, as I have been a PR MOD there since 2019. We help to teach new folks about Discord, Hive, and cryptocurrencies. Dear @wittyzell is there also. Should you care to come to see what we are about, just click on the image below!


Oh!! I almost forgot! Here's a very relative community to look into!


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https://peakd.com/c/hive-124452/created


I hope you are having a great Sunday! Love and light!

!LUV

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Thanks so much for the mention, Wes! Anyone and everyone is welcome to join. It's always good to have a shoulder to lean upon. 😊

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Really appreciate you putting this together!! Will definitely check them out 😍

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(Edited)

Wait . ikaw ba yung nag webinar sa hiveph discord before about mental health too?

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